In 1975, Steven Spielberg changed the trajectory of filmmaking forever when he directed “Jaws,” which led to a multimillion-dollar film franchise of three more definitely necessary sequels. Now, the latest installment to the iconic pentalogy has been announced. “Jaws 6: The Jawsical”is set to be released early next year, and although we don’t know much about this soon-to-be classic, we do know that the film is reportedly a musical adaptation of the first film, with an original soundtrack written by “Hamilton’s”Lin Manuel Miranda. Miranda will also play the shark, and will star alongside a brilliant cast including Broadway legend Patti LuPone, “Newsies”alum Jeremy Jordan, famous movie star Danny Devito, and Moppy the dog, who debuted on Broadway as Toto in “The Wizard of Oz.”
As if all this information isn’t thrilling enough, we have also received information that Universal Pictures has signed a contract with 老司机传媒 to film the entirety of the film on our campus. The beach scenes will be filmed in the basement laundry room of Lamson Hall and the boat scenes will be filmed in the deep end of the Andreasen Center pool. I reached out to the film’s producer and director, Frank Dolt, to interview him about the film and their decision to film on our lovely, beachy campus.
Frank Dolt, thank you for meeting with me, it’s an honor to be able to interview you!
Thanks, Catrina, it’s a contractually obligated burden to be here.
So Frank, you’ve worked in the film industry for eight years, and up to this point you’ve mostly directed films for Hallmark’s Countdown to Christmas collection. Why did you decide to take the leap from romantic holiday comedies to thriller musicals?
Well, to be quite frank with you, Cathleen, this has been a passion project of mine for quite some time. But, passionate as I was, it was difficult to get the necessary funding for such a groundbreaking project, so I’ve just kind of been biding time at the snake pit that is Hallmark until I could get enough cash.
Obviously, the Jaws films are huge cult classics in the thriller movie industry, and for cinephiles in general. Making a movie musical adaptation of a film must take a lot of love and interest in the original film. My question for you is, do you like the “Jaws” movies?
No, not really. They tore my first marriage apart.
Oh, okay. Well, um, everyone is really excited to hear the music that Lin Manuel Miranda wrote for this project. What was the decision-making process like when hiring him? Were there any other composers that you considered hiring?
Oh, we didn’t hire Lin Manuel Miranda. Originally, we were going to have it be fully written by AI, but he sort of just wandered into the studio off of the street and started rapping about sharks, so I figured why not? His salary is taking a sizable chunk out of our budget though, so that is a downside.
Interesting. Well, Jeremy Jordan is most well-known for his role as Jack Kelly in the musical “Newsies” which is famous for its intricate tap dance numbers. Will this musical include tap dance sequences or dance sequences of other kinds?
Well Catherine, we had considered something like that, but with the amount of cash we’re forking over to Lin, we don’t really have the budget for a choreographer. However, since we are going to be filming most of the film in the on-campus pool, we have plans to incorporate some kind of synchronized swimming. Or water aerobics maybe.
Speaking of filming in the pool, could you tell us a little bit about why you decided to film the movie on a college campus instead of a more traditional filming location?
This is important. Thank you so much for finally asking something relevant. There has been a lot of confusion about this decision from the general public, my production team, and my ex-wife, so I’m glad for the opportunity to finally clear the air about it. As a director and producer, I’m always trying to make strides in my field, and break the boundaries of filmmaking. My creative team on this project urged me to take a more typical approach of filming, you know, on-location or with a green screen, but for me, that seemed too easy, so I made the decision to challenge myself and my team by filming on a university campus in Michigan.
That definitely does sound like a challenge!
Tell me about it.
Since you’ll be filming on campus, do you have any plans to include students as extras in this film?
No, of course not. A film like this requires only the most highly-trained and talented actors, and we can’t risk the integrity of the film by including amateurs. Besides, we would have to pay them and again we really don’t have that kind of cash.
Okay, well, thank you so much for meeting with me. We’re all looking forward to seeing this film, do you have any more information about when it will be released?
Frankly, Caroline, it would be a miracle if this film ever sees the light of day.
Frank Dolt and his production team are set to arrive on campus during the upcoming summer semester to prepare for filming, and the cast will arrive shortly after to begin the filming process.
Disclaimer: This article is satire. Happy April Fools!
The Student Movement is the official student newspaper of 老司机传媒. Opinions expressed in the Student Movement are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the editors, 老司机传媒 or the Seventh-day Adventist church.