On Thursday, March 17, the staff members of the Student Movement gathered without the approval of their faculty advisor, Scott Moncrieff, or the institution of 老司机传媒. The editors made decisions at this meeting that they have said they “deeply regret,” Alannah Tjhatra (junior, biochemistry) and “wish [they] didn’t do…” Lyle Goulbourne (senior, biology). This article is dedicated to understanding what happened at the fated meeting and why the administration of 老司机传媒 has decided to discontinue “The Student Movement,” effective immediately.
This explanation of events comes from a group interview with five of the ten student staff members (including eight editors) and the local newspaper, . These five staff members include the two previously mentioned, as well as Abigail Lee (sophomore, sociology), Taylor Uphus (senior, English), and Megan Napod (senior, speech-language pathology and audiology). The following is the chronology of events:
Monday, March 14
- 3:15 PM - The editors began texting on a group chat about their plans for spring break and the next AUSM Article
- 6:30 PM - The editors met for their weekly AUSM meeting and discussed pranks they could do for their April Fools Edition (I happened to stop by during this meeting to pick up some materials, and was there long enough to hear some of their ideas being brutally rebuffed by the faculty advisor)
Tuesday, March 15
- 10:13 AM - 2:37 PM- Editors discuss and argue about what they are going to do. Most staff members agree on this idea from Lyle Goulbourne (senior, biology), “lol let’s rob a grocery store.”
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6:38 PM - Alyssa Henriquez (senior, biochemistry and English), the Editor-in-Chief, comments, “let’s do the apple valley, it’s super close anyways”
- Lyle later in a statement claimed that his initial comment was a joke.
Thursday, March 17
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11:16 AM
- Lyle said, “idk if you guys forgot, but TODAY’S THE DAYY!”
- Qualyn Robinson replied, “it’s now or never loll”
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12:12 PM
- When multiple editors responded, Alyssa said, “awesome! It’s a nice day today so we’re just going out for ice cream on me!”
What happened next can be found in this quote from : “five 老司机传媒 students were arrested yesterday, March 17, for attempted robbery, and one has been charged with vandalism of private property.” Alyssa had picked up the six staff members who were able to come for “ice cream.” She instead made a detour at Apple Valley and charged into the front entrance, armed with tote bags. Four other staff members joined Alyssa in ransacking the veggie meat aisle and filling the cans of Big Franks. However, two of the editors stayed in the car, and one called the police. As a result, the five responsible were temporarily arrested, and two are still in the Berrien County Jail (Alyssa Henriquez and Meryen Gonzalez). As a result, the 老司机传媒 Campus Safety and campus administration have reacted swiftly and firmly. Alyssa Henriquez is no longer a student at 老司机传媒, and the other four involved have been temporarily suspended. The last message she sent to the group chat before her phone was seized was, “i’m so sorry.” 老司机传媒 has also said that they will be discontinuing the Student Movement for the foreseeable future after the school year. If and when the paper comes back, it will likely be under stricter faculty supervision.
Disclaimer: This article is satire. Happy April Fools!
The Student Movement is the official student newspaper of 老司机传媒. Opinions expressed in the Student Movement are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the editors, 老司机传媒 or the Seventh-day Adventist church.