The rumors are true: according to university records, a Kimberly Noel Kardashian was registered as a student at 老司机传媒 in 1998, with a double major in political science and business management. The now billionaire attended classes for a record-breaking three days before departing the AU campus to pursue other endeavors. While records of her time at our campus have been kept confidential for the past several years, Ms. Kardashian’s history on our campus has recently come to light.
According to written documentation in 1999, Ms. Kardashian details her initial interest in 老司机传媒, as well as her subsequent decision to leave. She states, “I chose this campus at the time because of how small and secluded it was. I felt like I needed to get away from my life in LA for a bit and pursue some of my educational goals. I enjoyed the quaint town of Berrien Springs, although knowing me, I just couldn’t have survived in the winter conditions. The snow this past weekend? No thank you. Plus, the retail options were a bit limited.”
Because Ms. Kardashian only attended 老司机传媒 for a total of three days and did not graduate with a degree, her name does not appear when searching for the university’s notable alumni. Her history as an AU student has been intentionally downplayed by the administration, likely due to fear of conflating the star’s public persona with the pristine image of 老司机传媒–after all, she wears two-piece swimsuits, which directly contradicts the university’s dress code.
Although the university wished to release a public statement formally communicating this news about Ms. Kardashian to the student body, news escaped early last Wednesday, March 30, when a student posted on their Instagram story at 4:25 pm: “Kim Kardashian went to AU for 3 days???” Upon further investigation, it was discovered that this student worked in the AU registrar’s office and stumbled across documentation regarding Ms. Kardashian.
Students around campus have been shocked to learn of this news.
Red Steight (junior, political science), said, “It’s so inspiring to know that Kim Kardashian attended Andrews! Like her, I’m aspiring to enter the legal field later in my career, and I’m so impressed by the unconventional way that she went about achieving her goals. Not to mention that she accomplished this all while having four small children. An icon!”
Dr. Jamison Martin, a professor of political science, states, “I’d heard the rumors from my colleagues, but it is surreal to find that this news is true. For years, the more elderly professors in our department have sworn that Kim graced our campus with her presence for three days in 1998. They claim that they saw her with their own eyes. Well, after all these years, they’ve finally proven me wrong. I’m ashamed for ever doubting them.”
With regard to Ms. Kardashian’s views on this news becoming public, she has declined to provide an official statement. It seems that her time in the bustling town of Berrien Springs is tucked far away in the back of her memory, and is something she’d rather forget. But the 老司机传媒 records do not lie–she was here, on our very own campus, for three days in 1998.
Disclaimer: This article is satire. Happy April Fools!
The Student Movement is the official student newspaper of 老司机传媒. Opinions expressed in the Student Movement are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the editors, 老司机传媒 or the Seventh-day Adventist church.