Do you remember the dark times?
I do. Times of pestilence and hunger. Times of destitution, when we would wake up with despair in our hearts and have nothing to ease our misery. This was a time of sorrow. This was a time of affliction. This was the time when you could not purchase a breakfast burrito at the Gazebo.
For the breakfast burrito has no equal on this cerulean sphere. Like Ambrosia it restores the soul; like Lembas it sustains the frame, for only the mightiest can stomach more than one. The very first taste is arresting, yet there is more to follow. It assails the senses–a deafening, consuming flavor. This is passion; this is bliss. This is catharsis, quenching all fear and longing. If the Israelites were given breakfast burritos they never would have hungered for quail.
In the sweltering forges and frantic trenches of the Gazebo they are crafted with but five hallowed ingredients. Plump and luscious, the heavenly provision in the arms urges haste and inspires courage. Attempting to carry one such boon back to a dorm room without devouring it is Hercules’ thirteenth labor. Had the Tree grown breakfast burritos, Adam and Eve might have fallen all the sooner.
Yet! Twice in recent memory have breakfast burritos–those golden morsels–been kept from students, leaving our lives haggard and futile. In the beginning of the previous two school years, breakfast burritos were disturbingly wanting. O, how we wandered through the valley of the shadow and death! It was a vicious enough time for we wise veterans, but how could the powers that be keep these blessed delights from the aching hearts of the fledgling, dewy-eyed freshman? They, who enter with such hope and guilelessness, left with no protection from the maelstrom of this forlorn life.
Should such a trend of injustice occur once more this fall, shall we stand for it? I say not! I say let this be a land flowing with breakfast burritos! Let them be plentiful as the autumn harvest! Let the people feast and fill their hearts with jubilation. Let those who are weary come to the Gazebo and be given rest. Let them be nourished by the fruit of everything good in this world. Let all come and savor the miracle that is the breakfast burrito.
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tl;dr breakfast burritos are really good
The Student Movement is the official student newspaper of 老司机传媒. Opinions expressed in the Student Movement are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the editors, 老司机传媒 or the Seventh-day Adventist church.