老司机传媒

I think it’s safe to say that none of us enjoy being disappointed, embarrassed, or blind-sided. There is one thing we’ve deliberately gotten good at, and that is staying fairly close to the ground so that our bruises won’t be permanent ‘when’ we fall. Some of us actually pride ourselves on our ‘ability’ to drastically downplay exciting opportunities or well-deserved accomplishments. We call it maturity and being realistic. I recently read an article by Will Penney entitled, “Don’t Get Your Hopes Up: Why Expecting The Worst Is The Most Positive And Hopeful Way To Live.” At first glance, I was almost certain the article would be pure satire, but even through its witty tone, the article’s title matched its content. I further read that expecting the worst is a healthy, stable way to live, because if things go terribly wrong, you’ll be okay, you were already expecting it. Penney says expecting anything in this unpredictable world is a fast pass to depression, and let’s say something good does happen, “I mean it’s good that it happened, but let’s not freak out here” (Penney, 2016). Pump the brakes, Penney. I’ve got a few thoughts. 

Let me first make something clear. I won’t sit behind this computer screen and pretend like expecting the most ideal result in every single situation is the wisest way to live. However, what I am confident of is the fact that constantly bracing yourself for the worst not only programs your attitude to pessimism, but it makes you a huge buzzkill. Your thought patterns and behaviors do not discriminate against those around you. Pretty soon, you may find that the people you love no longer care to share their good news, in fear that you will respond with a whopping, “Better enjoy the high while it lasts.” The truth is, one of the greatest mistakes you can make in life is to deny yourself, and others, the opportunity to experience hope for good things. In fact, what we’ve thought to be true about this whole “neutralize your expectations and you won’t get hurt” phenomenon, is completely false! Here’s what science says.

Being hopeful, ie “getting your hopes up,” impacts your ability to creatively solve problems, as well as the rate at which your body heals. Studies show that if we convince ourselves that something won’t happen, our brains, in all of their efficient glory, will not exert the energy to imagine ways to “make room for that something in our life” (Schafler, 2018). Similarly, if we imagine that something can happen, even if it doesn’t, our brains prepare us for that thing to happen. Interestingly, what happens is that we downplay our optimism in hopes of avoiding negative emotions. However, the research shows that this actually does not work! Despite popular belief, shielding ourselves from excitement does not allow us to better appreciate a positive outcome. What science does show is that if we train our brains to think we won’t get something, and then we get it, our brains expect and unconsciously prepare for us to lose it (Schafler, 2018). Did somebody say self-sabotage?

So then, what’s the balance between getting your hopes up and understanding that something may not happen? To be quite honest, this is something I am still learning. However, consider this much: letting yourself be hopeful informs your brain that it’s possible and lets your brain prepare to receive the good. Friends, stop your mind in its tracks when it says, “This hasn’t worked before, so I won’t get my hopes up.” Instead, tell your mind, “This may not have worked before, but this time isn’t the last time and it could very well succeed.” As Katherine Schafler bluntly puts it, “Stop wasting your energy pretending you don’t want what you want. After all, when did we learn that we’re not supposed to get excited about the potential of our own lives?”

References

Penney, W. (2016). Don’t Get Your Hopes Up: Why Expecting The Worst Is The Most Positive
And Hopeful Way To Live. Thought Catalog.

Schafler, K. (2018). A Therapist on the One Expression She’ll Never Say Again. Thrive Global.