One thing that I have learned over time is that perspective changes everything. People tend to assume that perspective is significant, specifically to arguments or disagreements. Yet, it is crucial to so much more, and perspective stems from more than just one’s initial thoughts. Perspective stems from background, from history, from upbringing. It is something more than the black and white of the situation, more than what is visible. It is the grey.
Thus, in learning a bit more about perspective and the impact it has on even the simplest of interactions, I have changed the way that I behave––really, the way I reflect. At the forefront, I have changed the way that I engage in conversation. I think the best way to approach this would be to look at it as the Three P’s of Perspective. These three Ps have forever changed my conversations and that I hope will change yours.
Past
A couple of years ago, Pastor Michael Polite preached a sermon on campus. As he came to the close of his message, he stated something that has stood out to me to this day, and that no doubt will remain with me for years to come: “Instead of asking, ‘What’s wrong with you?’ ask, ‘What happened to you?’” Since that Sabbath, I have had to stop myself a number of times to approach a situation asking what happened to someone rather than what was wrong with them. In so many instances we insist on casting away a person and their situation based on their behaviors, accusing them of having something wrong with them, a skewed mindset, a problem. We tend to focus on their poor behavior, calling them irrational, avoiding asking what it is that caused that behavior. To ask that is not to excuse their behavior, but to understand it and grow from it moving forward. Asking myself this question in my conversations has altered my perspective in so many ways, allowing me to reach the root of the issue as well as better understanding of the person rather than maintaining a surface level assessment of the issue.
Purpose
“What is my intention for this conversation? Is it to fight? To resolve? To learn?”
I ask myself this question during my conversations quite often, particularly when the discussion is going in circles. The difficult thing with conversation is that you can’t always control it. Your intentions do not always match your impact. Even moreso, your initial intentions can very easily get sidetracked by a statement made, an aspect of body language, a comment misunderstood. Asking yourself what your purpose for a conversation is tends to be most effective before it begins, yet it can be beneficial at any point. Being intentional to stop and assess what your goal is will completely change how the conversation is carried. You will, even subconsciously, change your perspective and ask yourself if your behavior is in line with your intended outcome. Are you listening to respond, or to understand? Are you aiming to share, to receive, or both? What do you want out of this conversation? What is your purpose? Knowing this plays the role of guiding your conversation. When you find yourself off track or focused on a minor detail, you come back to your compass, your purpose, and redirect.
Pause
It is important to pause. Pause, because there is power in your words. From a young age, I learned that you cannot take back the impact of what you say. Yet, it took time to implement that into my conversations. Even when it takes some time, I stop in my conversations to properly phrase what I want to say. I avoid speaking out of anger. I ask myself if what I want to say will hurt someone. I ask myself if it lines up with my purpose. When I find myself speaking about something that I don’t know enough about, I pause and say, “I have a lot more to learn about this.” When I find myself arguing in circles, I pause and say, “We may have differing opinions on this issue.” But most importantly, I speak slowly, and I speak with intention. Each word that I say, I think about–because I control my words, and I control my feelings. They do not control me.
These three Ps have forever changed the way I have conversations. They have caused me to be intentional about shifting my perspective and beginning with the end in mind. They have forced me to think outside of myself. They have made me better – I hope that they can do the same for you.
The Student Movement is the official student newspaper of 老司机传媒. Opinions expressed in the Student Movement are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the editors, 老司机传媒 or the Seventh-day Adventist church.